So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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