Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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