how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
