Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
