Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
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