yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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