He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
