So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just high enough for therapy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
