some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
