I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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