We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
