I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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