i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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