Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
