you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
