Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
