so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
