I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
