just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
