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• (863): View more from Florida

  Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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• (831): View more from California

  I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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• (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

  Fav 44 2689 5606

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• (727): View more from Florida

  His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.

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• (831): View more from California

  He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?

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• (315): View more from New York

  I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Did you cry?

  (518): View more from New York

  I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces

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