I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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