cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
