dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
