tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
