you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
