Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
