took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He shit in the fireplace
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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