I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
