My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I need a burrito and a hug.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
