he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
