I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
tonight lets celebrate not being married
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
