I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
