i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
