morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
