Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
