I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
