in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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