and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
