now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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