in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
