how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
