Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
