I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
