this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
