The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
