yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
