I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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