babies were throwing up all over the place
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
