Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
