i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
