So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
