im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
