This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
